The only time its acceptable to ‘invoice’ your wedding guests.

The only time its acceptable to ‘invoice’ your wedding guests.


Yesterday I was interviewed by Joanna Kiernan for the Irish Independent on my thoughts on the Minnesota Bride who billed two guests who ‘no showed’ at her wedding.

This story and ones like it about kids birthday parties has made me realize even more how etiquette and  just common decency is going out the window.

First I want to say, you should never bill your guests for  not showing up at  your wedding/event/birthday – it is in extreme bad taste and just plain wrong. The only situation it might be marginally acceptable is in the case that {and this is extremely rare situation} your guests know in advance that they are paying for their own meal/own way at your wedding/event/birthday. Then asking them to pay you back for the set meal price etc is ok {and really you shouldn’t have to, they should offer immediately under these circumstances.}

AND you should NEVER send an invoice… a polite conversation or reminder text is the way to  do it.

Secondly if you’re on the opposite side of the coin and you’re the guest, who can’t make it last minute because something has come up, you should send your apologies as soon as you can.

Of course, not to the bride or groom… not the morning of their wedding… they’re busy and probably don’t have ‘the head space’ to accept them… send them to The Wedding Planner, Maid of Honour, Best Man, The Venue where the reception will take place or a close friend or family member of the couple and then follow up with an ‘I’m so sorry letter/card’ {Yes, I expect you to write this, using your own hand and a pen!} . Because even though last minute things arise, its still not nice to bail out last minute and without proper and decent explanation it can cause a serious strain on relationships…

Which leads me nicely to my third point … NEVER, EVER air your dirty laundry online ! EVER !

It was NOT cool, in any shape or form, for this bride to bill her guests. But it was seriously even not cooler {and I realise my choice of language may be down playing the importance of my point… but I don’t want to sound like a total sergeant major !} for the guest to post it/share it online either !

Maybe this plays into some peoples need to continually share dramatic things online in a vein attempt to garner some sort of social acceptance or popularity, I don’t know. But people, don’t air your dirty laundry online !

The aftermath of this situation most likely means, that what should have been a fantastic day for a couple {their friends and family}, is mared by the break up of a friendship {because, honestly, can you see these guys being friends now ?} and the dividing opinions of the friends and family who were are the wedding {and those in their communities who wouldn’t have been} and the altering of the relationships that will result from those opinions and sides taken. Memories of whatever happened on the day will be forever replaced by this.

In short, if someone ‘no shows’ at your  wedding and you’re pissed about it, be an adult, have an in person conversation about it, sort out the feelings you have, listen to their reasons and make up ! {Isn’t this what we teach kids? Learn from your {future} kids people!}

Life is long, you need good friends.

{As my BFF Laura says} Shit happens, things come up. Bank it as your ‘get out of jail card free’ for the future when you need them. Don’t break your friendship and alter countless others over the cost of two meals. Or is $150 that important to you ? {If so, take a long hard look in the mirror !}

Did you have any no shows are your wedding ? How did you deal with it ?

How do you think you would feel if something similar happened at your wedding ?



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